Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
