You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
