I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
