I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
someone owes me an orgasm
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
