dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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