I didn't shave. On purpose
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
