my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
