this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
