all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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