There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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