I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
