I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
