she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Drake has all the answers
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
