If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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