I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
