Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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