Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
