By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
