I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
