I heard we made out
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
