I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize