Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
