You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
