We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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