if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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