You're so nebulous sometimes
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
