Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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