No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
