He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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