I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
