everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
