I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
