my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
