I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm getting married
To pizza
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
