Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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