Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina