Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  he got wood on it!

  (408): View more from California

  i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.

  (818): View more from California

  ...i was talking about hockey

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  (818): he got wood on it! (408): i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals. (818): ...i was talking about hockey http://tfl.nu/alxf
  Replies (3) Good night (733) Bad night (907)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"

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  (410): my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts" http://tfl.nu/2c0p
  Replies (14) Good night (3762) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

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  (814): All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles. http://tfl.nu/duc8
  Replies (37) Good night (10720) Bad night (1391)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  There is too much vodka and too much dick.

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  (860): There is too much vodka and too much dick. http://tfl.nu/9jud
  Replies (25) Good night (3591) Bad night (1694)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.

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  (202): He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like. http://tfl.nu/n0vb
  Replies (6) Good night (3104) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.

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  (703): keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair. http://tfl.nu/vnaz
  Replies (3) Good night (2482) Bad night (807)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.

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  (508): just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night. http://tfl.nu/ks6r
  Replies (4) Good night (2318) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.

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  (510): I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass. http://tfl.nu/spz3
  Replies (24) Good night (6654) Bad night (1440)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase

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  (717): You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase http://tfl.nu/khjs
  Replies (3) Good night (1538) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?

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  (508): wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer? http://tfl.nu/zgl0
  Replies (11) Good night (1275) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.

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  (252): Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation. http://tfl.nu/waj0
  Replies (5) Good night (822) Bad night (583)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams

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  (724): I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams http://tfl.nu/vjrr
  Replies (2) Good night (616) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You need a sexual gate keeper

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  (317): You need a sexual gate keeper http://tfl.nu/r2za
  Replies (7) Good night (730) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "

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  (530): I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. " http://tfl.nu/24zo
  Replies (5) Good night (627) Bad night (240)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.

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  (503): When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick. http://tfl.nu/61vn
  Replies (2) Good night (645) Bad night (237)

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