am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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