You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
