I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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