R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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