Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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