I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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