Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
