I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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