I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize