16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
