I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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