My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Randomize
