i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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