I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
