I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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