Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
