none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
