My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
