tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
