then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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