morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
