the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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