Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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