I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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