Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You took a bar mat shot.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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