Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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