you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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