dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
