it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
